Hopes and Fears

If there were a song that could ultimately sum up the events in my life as of present, it would be nothing else but Keane's Somewhere Only We Know. Everytime the song plays in my ipod, in the radio, in the television, or in the movies, melancholic thoughts fills my mind and puts me in such blissful nostalgia I could literally feel my body drifts into nothingness and pure weightlessness. I guess it's in the lyrics, or in the melody, or in the meaning behind the spectacular wordplay that enthralls me and leaves me in awe. Perhaps I might never know, and the real meaning might still be obscure right now, but I know that someday I will, in a place somewhere only you and I know.

Hips Don't Lie

In the spirit of the Christmas Season and with sincerest gratitude to my Medicall and UST-BSN Batch '06 Family, here's to wishing you a VERY MEANINGFUL HOLIDAYS with all of your loved ones. Season's Greetings!

-ruff

Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas

My Medicall Family. From Left to Right, Back Row. Mommy Gigi, Me, Karen, Beverly, Dearly, Nina, Dang, Julianne, Jim. Front Row. Christine (in Aqua), RJ, Mia, Lawrence.

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I woke up last Saturday with a huuuuggge sigh of relief. I made it 2 weeks into my new job and I just love it. It feels as if I have accomplished something so huge and I couldn’t feel any more prouder of myself. I know that that short a duration of work is relatively brief compared to some of my medium- and long-term undertakings but I’m equally elated and contented with the outcome thus far and I know I definitely did something really good.

I used to have a lot of reservations in my current job. I used to drown myself in self-doubts asking whether I’m good enough to be an efficient nurse agent. I wallow into the ocean of uncertainty as to whether the career path that I have chosen will be a fruitful and productive one. I stayed behind the shadows of my fears and suspicions. I feared I have regressed into my old past all surrounded with mediocrity and inconsistency.

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Medicall Co-Nurse Agents and MRI's. 1st week of Training.

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But now I know that I’m not that person anymore. During the past week, I’m really proud to say that I think I had consciously strived to become a better version of myself—an improved person with an unequalled and unparalleled worth. I expanded my comfort zone. I brought down my personal boundaries. I began to trust people better and I have invested in several relationships with new friends and colleagues. I have transcended successfully—from a child carefree and free-spirited and light—to a man responsible, mature and mindful of his demeanor and character. I have never felt this good before. The happiness within me is palpable and that fact makes me extremely happy.

With Jim (Alladin), Nina (Peasant) and Me (Genie). Graduation Day Presentation.

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I guess life has its own ways on making us realize our importance and worth. May it be succeeding on your personal careers, or gaining an A+ on a very important undertaking, or successfully mending a broken relationship with a person who used to be really close to you, or creating new ones with people you feel comfortable and at ease with—everything is possible with faith and determination. Risks are everywhere and is everything but inevitable, but wouldn’t you agree with me that success is much much sweeter when we know that we were able rise above our limitations and we reached our aspirations with perseverance and determination?

My Co-Nurse Agents. The Best Batch in the World. Hehe.
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At the end of the day, there still are a lot of things that we should be thankful for. Be thankful for the past memories that shaped what we are at present. Be thankful for the present happiness and heartaches, joys and blessings, and the precious gift of being alive. Be thankful for people who stayed with us through the good and the bad, who accepted us despite our imperfections and flaws, who loves us unconditionally and unreservedly, and made us realize that our present lives is still a piece of heaven here on earth. Be thankful for being cynical, for in cynicism we find hope, in darkness we find peace, and in loss we find a new reason to gain something we never had before.

Being surrounded with the most wonderful people you'll ever meet in your life truly makes the Holidays worth celebrating. Post-graduation day. Medicall Philippines, Inc.

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It is all about appreciating every little blessing we breathe in day in and day out. Today is the perfect moment for celebrating the real essence of the Season—that is, the Child is born to make this world a better place for you and me. Life is to be cherished and treasured. It is to be shared with people that are close to our hearts. And with a resounding heart and a spirit full of unending gratitude, I would like to wish all of you a VERY MEANINGFUL CHRISTMAS AND A BLESSED NEW YEAR. God Bless Us Best. All Is Full of Love.

-ruff

Somewhere Only We Know

“Oh simple thing where have you gone
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin

So if you have a minute why don't we go
Talk about it somewhere only we know?
This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go
Somewhere only we know?

Somewhere only we know?”


Jed, Julianne, Me. At Medicall, Paseo Office, during my Final Interview, Exams, Etc. Loves it. =)

I had yet another bipolar episode just last evening. As you all know, I have been working in a call center for almost a week now and aside from both the physical and emotional rollercoaster I rode into as I entered this kind of job, I never thought that a half-year’s worth of preparation into getting my first job wasn’t at all enough. I’m still feeling overwhelmed at times, and those thoughts make me sick.

As a meager trainee, my call center shift starts at 4am and ends at 12nn. Nothing much exciting from my first days of work, really. Aside from multiple episodes of speechlessness, being tongue-tied, and some horrendous defiance of the laws of speech, rhetoric and grammar, I guess I coped and survived well, scathed, bruised and wounded, but alive nonetheless.

I believe that first impressions do last, and I’m pleased to say that my first impressions of my workmates are relatively good. Everything is near to perfection. Everyone in my group looks approachable and friendly, and I have made some new friends as well. I know things will definitely be good.

I’m still in training though. And I so so love this company, and I’m loving it more day in and day out. There’s just so much this company offers me and I fear that I had become a mediocre. I couldn’t do my best. I know that I have a lot to give but it feels like there’s something hampering me from doing it. I just couldn’t have it all figured out. The workplace is very conducive for work and learning. My superiors are really excellent and we had very good rapport. Even my colleagues, they had been very welcoming of me and all of them are understanding, patient and therapeutic without a doubt. Every ingredient of an ideal job is present but there’s still something missing. Darn, I hate this vexing feeling. My thoughts are becoming more and more unbearable.

I love this job and I love the company of my friends, especially Julianne, Mommy Gi-Gi, Jim, Nina, among others, who are probably the reasons why I endure the painstaking 2am wake-up-alarms everyday to come to work. They are all very helpful, and though I haven’t had the opportunity of thanking them, in my heart are the sincerest thoughts of gratitude for literally and figuratively making my day and boosting my spirit. With a grateful heart, thank you very very much. You guys have no idea how much serene and peaceful my mind becomes whenever you impart on me your genuine words of encouragements. I couldn’t have survived my 1st week of job without your help and concern.

I have a short weekend to think through it. I’m itching to sign my irresistible contract and I KNOW that I’m ready for the responsibilities that I’m supposed to carry out. I love this job and I hope I could find my drive—my MOJO—to become one of the best nurse agent in this company. No more second bests. No more mediocrity. No more uncertainties. Just plain clean excellence. And nothing less.