Could You Guard This Post?

This prayer/presentation was originally played at UST College of Nursing's 2005 Recognition Day. Turn up your volume as you watch the flash presentation, and I hope you'll get to answer His final question:

Could you guard His post?

(Original post from www.donghaeng.net)

/ruff nurse-du-jour

Some Hearts (Making the Most of Second Chances)

Six intravenous drips, a four-lumen Swan-Ganz catheter with an Intrajugular Catheter with sheath intact, a central venous pressure line attached to a Heparinized normal saline, two chest tubes, one of which is attached to a Gomco pump, the other to a water-seal one-bottle drainage, one pericardial tube, two Jackson-Pratt drains, a set of Pericardial wires, a Central/Midline Thoracic dressing reinforced with Transparent Tegaderm Occlusive Dressings, four leg/thigh dressings s/p vein stripping, a Foley catheter attached to a drainage Hospicare bag, and two peripheral venous access. Everything in one patient. Perhaps by now medical professionals who have read the aforementioned contraptions must have thought of just one thing—OPEN HEART SURGERY—and taking care of patients who just had one is sort of experiencing a living miracle—the miracle of the beating heart.


Source: http://www.antithesiscommon.com/Issue2/large/800_Licudine_Broken_Heart.jpg

I almost curse our Charge Nurse when he assigned me to admit a post heart surgery patient (s/p Emergency Pericardial Exploration with Extraction of Hematoma sec. to Pericardial Tamponade s/p 4-Vessel Coronary Artery Bypass Graft, s/p Saphenous Vein Endoscopic Stripping) while I was taking care of an intubated patient whose care necessitates more than one primary nurse. With conviction and composure and fear and anger, I meticulously admitted the patient to the ICU suite giving her the excellent nursing care deserving of a patient whose heart was stressed beyond its capacity.

The heart is such a spectacular organ. It undergoes a tremendous amount of stress throughout its entire lifetime, oftentimes enduring too much pressures and pains it does not deserve at all. Too much heartaches, too much pains, too much rejection, too much denial—everything too much to endure. The only thing that gives solace and comfort is the fact that despite these hardships, the heart has the incredibly pristine ability to restore itself, within the limits its capacity can carry.

Working with post-heart surgery patients is such a joy to the spirit. Not all people who undergo heart surgery survive their intra-operative course, more so of achieving a post-operative life regaining full health potential and capabilities. Much of them do not even reach surgery while some other dies while on the operating table. And only a very few people are given the second chance to live.


Source: http://www.milkjar.com/treeson/images/heartstory8.jpg

The heart has its own way of mending itself. It is a tedious process as the (cells of the) heart are but few of the body structures not capable of regenerating. When the heart cells die, they are forever dead. And no amount of nitroglycerine, trimetazidine, aspirin, or nifedipine could revive an ischemic heart.

But the heart does stretch beyond what its capacity can reach. It might be fragile, but is nevertheless flexible. It beats on its own, without being commanded on. It might skip a beat, increase its pace, fibrillate by itself, or not beat at all, without our influence or control. Sometimes, despite being a man of science, I could just not defy the fact that maybe there is truth to the adage that the heart has a mind of its own.


I’m not a heart surgery survivor, nor am planning to have one in the immediate future, but in my melancholic times, a visit to the Mended Hearts Organization is but a balm to the hurt. Mended Hearts, as the name implies, is an organization where people with heart diseases are brought together despite their health conditions and celebrate the meaning of their life and existence in the face of a heart condition.


In one of the issues of their journal aptly entitled Heartbeat, heart surgery survivors express their opinion regarding their hospitalizations and the comment of a patient who survived a heart attack moved me and my spirit. She stated:

“I realized that no matter how much I worked or how much I made, it wouldn’t change anything of importance in my life. It’s the people I care about that matter. Things don’t make you happy. It’s what you give away that counts, not money, but yourself and your time. (1)”

Being a nurse who takes care of these persons is such a huge privilege. Despite the spiralling costs of such procedures, perhaps all of us know that the gift of life can not measured nor bought in pecuniary terms. Interacting with people whose broken hearts have been mended gives one a sense of nostalgia and fulfilment. It is what we give away that matters. It is what we selflessly offer that counts. It is what we sacrifice that is important. And what we are is what really counts.

Hearts are not meant to be hurt—both physically and emotionally. And as owners of our hearts, whether lonely or not, it is our responsibility to take care of it by living a healthy lifestyle, leaving weighty burdens and heavy baggage, and listening to it every once in a while. Because we only have one, and that is a reason enough.

There are times when I wish and pray that I could be of help to others with the work that I do and the things that I write. And I hope that time will come and someone will tell me…

“Everyone has a purpose on this earth, and I think you have found yours.” (2)

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Mended Hearts is a national nonprofit organization comprised of people with heart disease, their families, medical professionals and other interested parties. It provides educational information, and individual and group support to recovering patients and their families. You can visit Mended Hearts at this site: www.mendedhearts.org. (No promotions implied).

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(1, 2) From Connie Butler’s What Counts is What You Give Away. In John Caswell’s Making the Most of Second Chances, Heartbeat (Mended Hearts Official Publication), Spring 2007, p. 8, 9, 11. Heartbeat Magazine image from the Mended Hearts website. All Rights Reserved.

The posted images are copyrights of their respective owners and the author does not, in any way, claims the ownership of the aforementioned images. The original links are posted respectively for reference.

Brighter Than Sunshine

After a long hibernation, the man with an incredible heart is back for yet another season of joys, tragedies and pains. So, read on, and be one with me as I celebrate the end of loneliness and another start of a spectacular beginning.

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He had already understood that he would never leave that room, for it was foreseen that the city of mirages would be wiped out by the wind and exiled from the memory of men at the precise moment when Aureliano Babilonia would finish deciphering the parchments, and that everything written on them was unrepeatable since time immemorial and forever more, because races condemned to one hundred years of solitude did not have a second opportunity on earth.

Because “there are things in this universe that we cannot control, and then there are the things we can. . . . Let fate, coincidence, and accident conspire; human beings must act on reason.

"Good bye Mr. Wigin tell them I'm strong tell them I'm a man."

From Cien Anos de Soledad/Snow Falling on Cedars/A Lesson Before Dying

-ruff nurse-du-jour, 12-jun-07, 3p

By Your Side

Here's one for the New Year! May all of you have a prosperous one. Blessed be.

Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas

My Medicall Family. From Left to Right, Back Row. Mommy Gigi, Me, Karen, Beverly, Dearly, Nina, Dang, Julianne, Jim. Front Row. Christine (in Aqua), RJ, Mia, Lawrence.

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I woke up last Saturday with a huuuuggge sigh of relief. I made it 2 weeks into my new job and I just love it. It feels as if I have accomplished something so huge and I couldn’t feel any more prouder of myself. I know that that short a duration of work is relatively brief compared to some of my medium- and long-term undertakings but I’m equally elated and contented with the outcome thus far and I know I definitely did something really good.

I used to have a lot of reservations in my current job. I used to drown myself in self-doubts asking whether I’m good enough to be an efficient nurse agent. I wallow into the ocean of uncertainty as to whether the career path that I have chosen will be a fruitful and productive one. I stayed behind the shadows of my fears and suspicions. I feared I have regressed into my old past all surrounded with mediocrity and inconsistency.

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Medicall Co-Nurse Agents and MRI's. 1st week of Training.

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But now I know that I’m not that person anymore. During the past week, I’m really proud to say that I think I had consciously strived to become a better version of myself—an improved person with an unequalled and unparalleled worth. I expanded my comfort zone. I brought down my personal boundaries. I began to trust people better and I have invested in several relationships with new friends and colleagues. I have transcended successfully—from a child carefree and free-spirited and light—to a man responsible, mature and mindful of his demeanor and character. I have never felt this good before. The happiness within me is palpable and that fact makes me extremely happy.

With Jim (Alladin), Nina (Peasant) and Me (Genie). Graduation Day Presentation.

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I guess life has its own ways on making us realize our importance and worth. May it be succeeding on your personal careers, or gaining an A+ on a very important undertaking, or successfully mending a broken relationship with a person who used to be really close to you, or creating new ones with people you feel comfortable and at ease with—everything is possible with faith and determination. Risks are everywhere and is everything but inevitable, but wouldn’t you agree with me that success is much much sweeter when we know that we were able rise above our limitations and we reached our aspirations with perseverance and determination?

My Co-Nurse Agents. The Best Batch in the World. Hehe.
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At the end of the day, there still are a lot of things that we should be thankful for. Be thankful for the past memories that shaped what we are at present. Be thankful for the present happiness and heartaches, joys and blessings, and the precious gift of being alive. Be thankful for people who stayed with us through the good and the bad, who accepted us despite our imperfections and flaws, who loves us unconditionally and unreservedly, and made us realize that our present lives is still a piece of heaven here on earth. Be thankful for being cynical, for in cynicism we find hope, in darkness we find peace, and in loss we find a new reason to gain something we never had before.

Being surrounded with the most wonderful people you'll ever meet in your life truly makes the Holidays worth celebrating. Post-graduation day. Medicall Philippines, Inc.

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It is all about appreciating every little blessing we breathe in day in and day out. Today is the perfect moment for celebrating the real essence of the Season—that is, the Child is born to make this world a better place for you and me. Life is to be cherished and treasured. It is to be shared with people that are close to our hearts. And with a resounding heart and a spirit full of unending gratitude, I would like to wish all of you a VERY MEANINGFUL CHRISTMAS AND A BLESSED NEW YEAR. God Bless Us Best. All Is Full of Love.

-ruff

I'm A Nurse, and I Love It!

My Beloved RLE. Thesis Meeting. At The Medicine Pavilion. UST.

In my 20 years of existence, if there were a thing that I have never brought into full consummation, it would be my painful and tortuous attempt on reconciling my personal and professional life. Everything in me is bipolar, dichotomous, and to a certain point asynchronous up to the degree that I’m often misconstrued as a psychopath afflicted with a Dissociative Personality Disorder (aka Multiple Personality Disorder) with psychotic features. In fact, with my instigation of this noveau chronicle comes another paradox—that I have kept another journal where my deepest personal secrets are disclosed and I remained as the ever-anonymous writer only known by some of my closest friends. This is my attempt to unveil the shadows that shroud my personal life and to uncover the darkness of my existence from the misconceptions of the bygone.

RLE 1 with Sir Earl at Barangay Malitlit, Lipa City, Batangas.

Graduating with honors is one of the greatest accomplishments in this unbearable existence of mine. This, and the fact that I have chosen the perfect course (as to my personal opinion) never fails to make me truly contented and equally elated. Nursing is painful, and is no little work. When I was younger I have the penchant and the liking of watching shows where medical actions and dramas are portrayed in epic proportions. I couldn’t help but notice how the doctors (interns, consultants, surgeons, etc.) are the existential protagonists and nurses are often ill-portrayed as annoying, helper-like, useless, and sometimes incompetent assistants. I have the wanting of being a doctor then—me saving lives, blah blahs and so on will satisfy the superiority complex I believe that was instilled in me. So I’ve decided to enter the BSN course as a tempestuous attempt to thrust my future medical career.

With Toni and Wilette (and others Haha). At Super Bowl SM San Lazaro.

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Come 4 years thereafter, my years in and out of hospital duties, community exposures, occupational nursing visits, trips to rural health units in and out of the city, and shifting rotations to special hospital wards (ICU, OR, DR, Kidney Units, etc.) or hospital affiliations (Lazaro, Ortho, TMC, etc.) became my *LIFE* for the past three years. Watching a patient with rabies die, observing parasites in copula, demonstrating how to operate a skeletal traction, scrubbing 8-hours straight in a cranioplasty procedure, delivering a baby with congenital anomalies (CLP, gastroschisis, among others), are but FEW of the HIGHLIGHTS that enlivens my nursing shifts, aside from the usual VS q4, SS PRN, TTS q2, CPT PRN and the endorsements that have become basic hospital routines.

With Ms. Tionko, ECG Seminar, 2006

Hospital life is not all that bad. In fact, an 8-hour hospital shift is enough to open one’s mind to the life lessons waiting to be found in a patient’s room, or in the nurse’s station if you are much more observant and lucky. In fact, it is during my cramped-up duty hours that I get to work efficiently and I was able to function better. I developed the liking of eating hospital foods and realizing that I can shed a few pounds if I stick on this kind of diet. I started associating myself to certain characters in the medical shows I subscribe to (Scrubs, ER, House M.D., Medical Investigations, and recently, Grey’s Anatomy). Watching Discovery Channel, NatGeo, etc. seems to become too familiar and extremely amazing. Reading medical bulletins, journals, and updates turns out to be a very satisfying experience, and the Allied Health Science Library (Med. Lib.) becomes a very inviting and appealing place.

The Best of Times With The Best of Peers. At Calaruega, Nasugbu, Batangas. Retreat '06.

In between juggling duties and lectures are my attempts to incorporate my existence in the real life I chose to pursue. I still had night-outs, but in fewer, lesser episodes; had some (plenty of?) trips to Gateway, Glorietta, and SM to provide a breather to my neurotic life; had extra-curricular activities squeezed in in few fleeting moments; and had my “15-second” moments of fame on several occasions. Thence I realize this “nursing” profession must be a very fitting calling to my extroverted, aggressive personality.

Nursing Life's Not That Bad. Birthday Celebration of Me, Wilette, Joyce and Rowena. At Congo Grille, SM San Lazaro.

My perspective on nursing as my pre-med course drifts into nonexistence as my vision turns into graduating with the future degree of “B.S.N., R.N., M.A.N.” NURSING IS A VERY NOBLE PROFESSION IF ONLY YOU COULD SEE THROUGH IT CLEARLY. If people (or patients) consider their doctors as their personal heroes, why can’t they attribute the same level of respect to nurses alike? We tend to patients round the clock, we provide them with the utmost level of comfort through our individualized care, and we demand no professional fees, and it seems as if we really deserve the infamous title “OVERWORKED AND WAY WAY UNDERPAID.” No angst implied, I guess that’s just the way things are, and we just have to deal with it.

Real Happiness. With Peers. Thesis Meeting. At Gelo's and Vernon's Apartment.

On my response during the Recognition Day where I was asked with the proverbial question: “What have you learned in Nursing School?” The answer to the question is plain and simple: “It is in nursing that I have grown, matured, and developed into the near-perfect person I once only dreamt of and I never knew I was capable of becoming. I have learnt to cherish and to appreciate life better, to celebrate the gift of existence, and to discover lessons in every failure I had. I have learned that life entails sacrifices—and may it be for your future, for your family, or for your personal worth, if you can glimpse at the fruits of your labor, then you will realize that everything’s worth it, and you never really sacrificed at all.”

How Can One Define Real Contentment? Being Surrounded By Wonderful Blessings (and Finishing the Thesis at San Lazaro Hospital) is A Reason Enough to Celebrate.

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If it is in this field that I can find fulfillment, gratification, and contentment in this short life of mine, I’m more than willing to be an overworked nurse for the rest of my fleeting, ephemeral, but fabulous life.

With the Most Talented, Remarkable and Humble People at the College of Nursing -- My Pautakan Family. Recognition Day 2006, Right After My Address of Thanks.

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-Ruff.